First off, I just want to say it is excruciatingly ironic how despite the fact that I’ve had sheer freedom for the past one-and-a-half years, it is only now , the night before my enlistment, that I find it in me to write something that isn’t so whiny it makes if I hadn’t just been possessed by the spirit of a wimpy prepubescent boy who still listens to Simple Plan.
I’ll be honest. I’m anxious as hell. The last time I was this anxious was about three months ago, but the reason for my anxiety at the time was completely different. Still, it’s a dreadful feeling.
I should probably be getting some sleep instead of writing this since I have to wake up early for a long day, but I’m simply not in the mood for sleeping. Or doing much of anything in fact.
I quit my job about a month ago because I thought I could tie up all the loose ends in my life in that time. Yet here I am with less than seven hours until my enlistment, and just about a million things still unresolved. Yeah, my time management is the best.
Maybe it’s because of that, but I feel like I’m going to jail and leaving everything behind even though it’s just two weeks of confinement. Then again I’ve always been the type to be melodramatic. Simply put, in addition to the throbbing anxiety, I just feel really, really… Sad.
Come to think of it, I felt this sad when Bert and Jeff and the others first enlisted too.
… Man that was embarrassing as hell to say. But whatever, it’s not like any of them will ever read this anyway.
I know NS isn’t a big deal, since it’s pretty much part of every male Singaporean’s life, but when I think of what lies beyond that the fear and uncertainty creeps up on me like a pedophile in an unmarked van.
Everyone says the two years is a good time to think about what you’re going to do for the rest of your life, but knowing me, I’m probably gonna keep drawing blanks all the way until I ORD. And that’s a scary thought.
The future is scary. It’s a black, murky abyss that you have no choice but to move towards slowly but oh so surely. Still, some people know what they want and are able to spur themselves to work towards achieving their goals.
Unfortunately I’m not one of those people.
Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk, right? Who knows, maybe being a policeman will be fun! Either way, I’m gonna find out pretty soon.